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Dear PakCik/MakCik,Cucu-cicit(wherever applicable),

We refer to your email,postal mail,personal threats, official visits and kopi-tiam talk at our local mamak On Why the price hike,go fly kite?
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Back to TadikaParliment (DAY ONE)

Badawi: Have you checked your bags?

MPs:Yes

Badawi: Do you have enough crayons and paper

MPs: Uhmmmn

Badawi:How about pocket money

MPs:yes,enough for a lifetime of schooling days

Badawi: Okay, be nice in school. Don't bully lil' Kit Siang and friends
MPs: Oooh What about play time

Badawi:hey, put a way that stuff, how old are you?

MPs:

Badawi:Give it to me.

MPs:


MORE2COME

A Blizzard of Oooze Adaptation ( Kurang Asam's Movie theather)

Coming Soon : Adaptation from The Blizzard of Oooze

Badawi In "One Man's Land" (closest it ryhmes with Wonderland)

Starring :Abdullah "i'm trying 2 be Good" Badawi as mAlice

His Three Side Kicks:
:Maha "i'm still not" Thir as the the Heartless Tin Can
:Ka "it's a tai koh" Ting as the Cowardly Lion
:Sammy "i ain't that" Vellue as the Brainless Scare Crow

Part 1: The Jello Brick Wall

How much farther?" asked the Cowardly Ka ting. He was so exhausted he had to ask his henchmen to hold up his tail. They were paid by the hour, anyway!

Badawi stopped so abruptly that the The Heartless Tin Can Mahathir, nearly bumped into him. Considering he was already hollow inside, it would not hurt Badawi. He gave the lion a withering glare and Cursed the Tin Can as well, "How the hell would I know? It's not like I'm from around here, you know."

"But we'll get to Oooze, yes?" The Heartless Tin Can Mahathir rattled as he spoke. He needed a good oiling, as he was, way past rusty by now....and all the brake oil from Proton (nor Petronas) did not help, one bit.

Not at this rate, Badawi sighed. He knew he should have done this on his own, although it had seemed like a good idea during election time.

He certainly didn't know his way around this strange corrupted land even with the Jello Brick Wall to guide him. They certainly needed his help and at least, and he had some companionship.

But this kind of companionship was not what he had bargained on. "Yes. Oooze has to be close by now." I sure hope it is. "Let's keep crawling or we'll never get there."

"Which way?" the the Brainless Scarecrow Samy asked and Badawi pointed "The road less travelled"

Badawi gritted his teeth. He had never realized traveling with each one lacking a brain, a heart and a set of b*lls respectively, would be so tiresome.

"Since we came from the south of the border, and Oooze wasn't there, it would only make sense to go north up Thailand, wouldn't it?"

"I suppose," the Brainless Scarecrow Samy said, although the expression on his face was a testimony, he had no clue what he was getting into....

(More Cast in Development. Any suggestions are Welcome.Drop some below)

PEPSI X (X stands for too Xtreme for people like Abdul Kadir)

Interlude
Among the rarity in Cabinet , lies a guy who stands out from the crowd with his bow tie. His stupidity can only be matched to that of Samy Vellue. So it seems, the competition for cabinet clown is tough this year, wuth a super size cabinet and all.

This Satire is His Take On the Pepsi Promo (ala Gladiator) and What he would like to be changed.Btw, he should use "VEET" for his legs and go for a photoshoot somewhere........Kurang Asam suggest Timbaktu.....never to return to civilization.

Abdul Kadir against the music

A Rendition of Queen
Kadir Will Rock You

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise,
Playin' on the TV, gonna be a big fart today,
You got mud on yo' face,
You big disgrace,
Kickin' your power all over the place
Singin'

We will we will screw you
We will we will screw you

Buddy you're a middle man gettin the atttention then,
Shouting in the street gonna raise the flag someday,
You got that smirk on yo' face,
You big fat disgrace,
Wavin' your bow tie all over the place


Abdul Kadir On Britney
She's so horny, i'm a star.
But i cry, cry, cry in my looney heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these mood swings come at night

Abdul Kadir on Beyonce
I'm a survior unlike McGyver(Rais Yatim),I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it
(what)
I'm a survivor (what), keep on survivin'.....Badawi's Tender.

Abdul Kadir on Pink
Get this party started on a Sabtu night
Everybody's waiting for me to arrive
Sending out the message to all of my homie friends
We'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes Benz
I got lots of style check my gold diamond rings
I can go for miles if you know what I mean

I'm coming up so i can crash this party on my turf
I'm coming up so i can crash this party on my turf

Abdul Kadir on Enrique Iglessias
They should have picked Me instead, and i will gladly give them the thumb.
Hail caesarKadir

Abdul Kadir On PEPSI X
Hey, I need my caffeine to get high. Who else can think of all these failed Propagandas.


See Also My Satire Archive On Him


"To bare or not to bare, that's a stupid Question" poet Asam (Sat-A-Lite)

Malaysia threatens to withdraw licences of private satellite operators over "risque" programming and advertisements. The sight of international pop stars Britney Spears, Beyonce and Pink in scantily-lad costumes in a PEPSI Commercial is proving to be too much for the Malaysian Cabinet.- NSTP ......Those horny bananas gets turned on by anything these days.(click the titillating title to see all)

Minister Of Propaganda,Datuk Paduka Abdul Kadir Sheikh Fadzir did not spell out what exactly was considered obscene , as he was already having trouble with the other language . Rojak is not his favourite dish, so too is PEPSI.

Do not go overboard. We will just withdraw the licence if necessary,' he was quoted

'We don't intend to restrict your freedom but it should not be abused,' he warned the stations, adding that they should have a little self-restraint when it came to such matters.

I guess, he confessed it himself (see the bold words).


I Guess, We have every right then, to revoke our Ministers's licence when they go overboard too. What say you, "Mr Idiot Box" Abdul Kadir?

Demokrasi(En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)

Pronunciation: Demo·crazy

1. Do a Demo (Street Protest) and the Police cum FRU's Will drive you crazy.
..... expect copious amount of black pepper spray.

2. Only time in 5 years whereby UMNO gets to vote a President and Office Bearers using some sort of hipocrasy unlimited democracy that works. No pun competition by the opposition intended.... Only certain Candidates are urged not to participate... Maybe later.

3. General Elections are called Guided Democracy ( as Coined by Mahathir :see idiot)
....whereby the Ruling Party will guide you to vote for them (using various sophisticated tecniques and machineries.)....for your own good and theirs

4. Where Election COmmisioners are paid to screw up and blame it on others for incompetent werk done during election seasons.....part of Guided Democracy.

5. A rise in IC Registration and Phantom Votes that never seem to vote for the opposition.....no matter what happens

6. When Oppositions gets bullied to it's climax during this unspecified season....yet never get "turn ons" by their counter parts.

7. Missing ballot boxes, postal votes, voter registration number.....and even elction commisioners.

8. Mahathir's greatest Achievement by far.


Synonymns:
Recounts,Odd balls, Winner takes all*, One stop solution, 1 week campaign hiatus,Satu Lagi Projek BN, EC Abdul Rashid,Helluva Advertisment, Vote to heaven, Duit Royalty Petronas, Oppositions don't bring Developments.

Antonymns:Mahathir's policy1A ,Human Rights Issues,Town Councils, Bar Councils,

Unverified links: BN Unity?, Media Spotlight?, Bad Opposition?, Development?,Preconceived Outcome? Lat-tali-Lat? Advertisment overdrive? Bias Reporting? Anwar Ibrahim Saga? Unforseen chaos? Fulfilling Manifesto? Phantom Votes? Absolute Power Corrupts?

See also:
1.How the Hell it all began.
2.Why did the chicken cast the vote?
3.3rd Class Mentality, 4th Class Infrastucture
4.One Way Street
5. RM15k Fine for poor Candidate Minority (less than 1/8 of total Votes)



Duit Kopi (An-Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)

(coffee money)
Pronunciation: cough·fee ma·ri-

1. Money not deliberately used to buy coffee unless someone else is paying
2. Money use to drive Civil Service Efficency by 15% without filling PNA form 5 (aka The Red Tape ). Close to 90% Efficency is observed,if that civil servant is a nut)
3. Money use to buy/sell Govt Contracts, but not included under income made in govt. bajet. (classy term for VIP's : Sipping Tea)
4. Money use to upgrade Service Quality from Grade 4 to Grade 3 or 2. (Grade 1 is unheard of under normal circumstances)

Synonymns: Coffer's Money,Poket Money, Sipping Tea, Honey Money Pot
Antonymns:Derma(charity), NGO financing sdn. bhd, nepotisme policy1A , OSA ( Official Stupendeous Act ),
Unverified links: Corruption?, Family Business?, Ruling Elite?, Wack-oh Taikoh?
See also:
cookie jar
idioms:Official Protocol Section 9439A Para.698
idioms:3rd class mentality Syndrom
idioms:business as usual
idioms: lifestyles of the not so rich (in theory)yet so famous (in practice)
glossary links will be updated later


Red Tape (En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)

1. Red tape worm -
A Parasitic Pest that can change a person's working habits from lazy to extremely Tidak Apa (Nothing Doing).The collection or sequence of forms & procedures required to gain bureaucratic approval/ for something something, especially when oppressively complex and time-consuming or plainly nothing nothing. Bottle neck of Efficiency

Who can get Infected: Working Adults of all Ages, Men Are More Prone but Women are not excluded,Civil Servents and Public Service Sector, the Do it tomorrow People (DIT)

How They Get Infected: Disgruntled Workers with Poor Pay Checks, To much Of Coffee/ Tea time Per Day, Following the Crowd, Peers, Happy Workers with too much of Free time- Ministers on Golf Courses, Perks, Privilege, No Superiors.

Symptoms
1. The Urge to take more tea breaks
2. Reprimand by the lazy boss ( Leadership by Example)
3. Self Denial
4. Self Restrained ( see a shrink or sifu)
5.Quiter (dyslexia, Dizzy,Dillusional)
6.Unstoppable

Cure : 3rd class mentality needs revamping, Expecting Promotion/ Pay Raise?


2. Formula
I Ordinary Protocol (aka Red Tape)

Ai x (Nwld-Nwlc X Ndpt) x (Tq + Tt + Tp1......+Tp[n+1]+ Ovf) = Result (positive/ negative)

[Ai,Initial Application] x ([Nwld,Number of Workload]-[Nwc,Number of Workload completed] X [Ndpt,Number of departments]X([Tq, Time quoted in the form] + [Tt, time for tea] + [Tp1, time after 1st reminder/phone call].......+[Tp[n+1],time after N number of reminders/phone calls]+ [Ovf, Overhead Fee Charges] = Result (+)ve or (-)ve


II Duit Kopi Protocol ( Efficieny increased by nominal 15-30%)

Ai x (Nwld-Nwlc +(-Cp) X Ndpt) x (Tq + TtX1/2 + Tp1) Ovf + Nf) = Result (positive mostly)

[Ai,Initial Application] x ([Nwld,Number of Workload]-[Nwc,Number of Workload completed]-[Cp, certain Priority] X [Ndpt,Number of departments]X([Tq, Time quoted in the form] + [TtX1/2, time for tea reduced to half] + [Tp1, time after 1st reminder/phone call]+ [Ovf, Overhead Fee Charges]+[Nf,Nominal Fee aka Duit kopi] = Result (+)ve mostly/b>

III Abdullah Badawi Visit Prottocol( Efficieny increased by nominal 110-200%)

Ai x (Nwld-2xNwlc +(-Cp) X Ndptx 1/2) x (Tq + Tt X0) Ovf + FOC) = Result (positive, feel good mostly)

[Ai,Initial Application] x ([Nwld,Number of Workload]-[2xNwc,Number of Workload completed twice as fast]-[Cp, certain Priority] X [Ndpt x1/2,Number of departments reduced to half]X([Tq, Time quoted in the form] + [Tt X0, time for tea reduced to zero] + [Tp1, time after 1st reminder/phone call]+ [Ovf, Overhead Fee Charges]+[FOC,Free Of Charge] = Result (+)ve mostly, Feel Good

Lesson: it's Good to be Badawi's Friend

Synonyms: Still Pending, Call back later, has been posted, can't find it, I'm a replacement, I'm not sure, contact this person...., Not my dept. , I'm new here.

Antonyms: Your lucky Day, Blue Moon, Abdullah Badawi visit Protocol.

Unverified links:Lazy, mamak influence,sleep/rest deprivation

See also:
3rd Class mentality,4th class infrastructure
If you have read all this and still feel confused, you have just experience a red tape.


Politiks(En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)
Pronunciation: Poly-ticks (many blood sucking ticks)

1.The art or drama of government/governing, especially the governing of a political entity (emphasis on UNITY), such as a nation, and the administration and control of its internal (ISA) and external affairs (Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Fillipines,NAM,OIC, UN, ASEAN, AFTA) .

2.The Ridiculous activities/affairs/Projects engaged in by a government/ politician/ political party:
PROJECTS ON DRAWING BOARD/ At WORK
Singapore Half Bridge..............(the causeway is ugly and causes water stagnation(talk about politicians being environmentalist?),
Bakun Dam..............................(build a dam, and then decide what to do with the excess power
Smart Tunnel...........................(build a tunnel and flood it with water, which incidentally happens no more than 5 times/year,
Alluminium Smelter................... (a damn good reason for building a Dam)

PROJECTS IMPLEMENTED
101 Peanut Butter Highways that still cant fix a JAM
Building PUTRAJAYA Ground UP and making it REAl (oil Palm) ESTATE
Building An AIRPORT in the middle of Nowhere that is yet to meet its required Capacity
Financing Failed Companies
PROTON

PROPAGANDAS That Were Carried OUT...Including Failures
Be A Malaysian and FLy A Flag
BAN ROJAK SONGS
BAN on "risque" commercials/ entertainment that shows skin-no leggy, belly button showcase.
No kissy kissy, holding hands
Dress Properly when going to the beach - Religous Police Making Rounds
Divide and Conquer : Personalized Check Out Counters, Swimming Pools,Watering Holes
No to GAY Policy, YES to TRASVERSTITE BAR/ENTERTAINEMENT POLICY

3.The methods or tactics involved in managing a state or party
See Manifesto, and fulfilling One.

4. Intrigue or maneuvering within a political unit or group in order to gain control (see PBDS, component Parties)

politikus - those who are envolved in the drama of politics

Synonyms:Manifestos and Promises,Ticket to Heaven,Wang Ehsan,Putrajaya, Mahathir, Pak Lah (Mr. Clean),National Policy & Foreign Policy, NIP (nat. Integration Policy)
Bajet Negara

Antonymns :That is not what's happening,ISA,OSA,USA,Working Democracy, DYI & FYI

Unverified Links:Syphon Public Funds,Mega Rejects, Where have all Our Foreign Investors Gone, Dirty (2) Dozen,

See Also:
Work With Me, Not For Me
Cakap tak Serupa Bikin
Turun Padang
Tell me the truth, don't distort it
I'm Back (Kit Siang)


Mamak (En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)

Pronunciation:Mum·mart

1.Food shop run by a guy/or two, who controls a surrounding radius of 5-15 meters(power influence) along kaki lima (walkways)normally under shaded areas.

2.Personal Convenience Food Stalls along/on road/avenues/junctions due to location, location, location.

3.Menu:Ayam goreng to Tongkat Ali (the drink). Has unique signature food and drinks...Nes-lo Ais (Milo + Nescafe +Ais), nasi goreng pattaya, etc....when closeby another mamak.

4. Has Astro or/and runs 24 hours( 1st class mamak)

5. Place to Sembang-sembang (get together and chit chatty)
Effects
:Alluring-Takes your mind out of office workload, come back somemore
:Mamak treats you like the prodigal son, prepares a meal in your honour....not FOC
:Mamak knows what you like, just give the signal "biasa"(the odinary stuff) if you are his regular/only customer.

Caution
Must have a stomach made of steel sometimes (toilet friendly)
Boss catches you spending too much time overthere.
Pengawas (School Prefects) catches you Ponteng School.

Must have in all Mamaks
Milo/Kopi Ais ( water substitute needed)
Nasi Lemak (non negotiable)
Mee goreng (Maggie Mee + Egg...)
Roti Chanai
A table and 4 chairs each
Proper Utensils to keep the palce running


Apa Nama?(En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)
What izzit........quick!!! think of something...anything!!!!

1. One of Mahathir's famous one liner
2. When can't think of what else/next to say, he begins the chant...

blah...blah....blah.......Apa nama(1)....Apa Nama(2)...Apa nama(3)....blah...blah

Apa nama (no 2), Apa Nama(no 3) until the next point is mentioned.

Synonyms: Slow Reaction Time (mental reflexs), Wait!!! I'm not done yet!!!, Note to Media: Please don't Include this apa nama in the articles

Antonyms: Apa nama Dodo?

See Also
Mahathir "Apa Nama" Mohammad


Cakap tak Serupa Bikin(En.Saikoh-P-idiot Malaysiana ©)
1. One of Abdullah "I feel Good" Badawi's Many signature PROSE
2. The 11th General "Snap" Election Promo 1
3. Was directed at MPs see full transcript:

... tidak ada tempat dalam pentadbiran saya untuk pemimpin politik yang "cakap tidak serupa bikin" : The Media Component Party, 9 Jan 2004,Abdullah Ahmad Badawi


Synonymns: You Ain't Da Man until You Walk The Walk, and Talk the Talk,and Nod the Nod, Turun Padang, Mesra Rakyat, Basuh Tangan, Mr Squeaky Clean (Bleach Sold Seperately)

Antonymns:Denial Mode, That's not true, False Accusations,Big "Fillet O" Fish Happy Meal?

See Also
No place for Corruption
Work With Me, Not For Me
Tell me the truth, don't distort it
Odd balls
ONE Man Show